I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
