Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
