No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
being pregnant is like rehab
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
