It's Friday. Sex?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
