Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
