I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
