i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
