the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have post one night stand depression
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