You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
