Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
