Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
