We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
