Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
