if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
