Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
