GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
