is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
