How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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