Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
