It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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