i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
