my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
