One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
