I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
