And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
