it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
