Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
