That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
