she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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