Pappa wants mamma naked
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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