just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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