I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
