I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
