She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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