the new term for farting is butt boxing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
