Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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