So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
