oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
