the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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