Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
