Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
