dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
