Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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