Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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