Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
