some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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