I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
