she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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