i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
