we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
