the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
