mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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