i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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